Have you ever had one of those moments where someone’s words or actions completely triggered you? Maybe it was during a family dinner, a conversation that escalated, or a seemingly innocent situation that spiraled into frustration. I recently watched a movie called Love Rosie that reminded me of these moments, where a simple dinner scene turned chaotic. A few misplaced words, a spilled drink, and before you knew it—tempers flared, dishes crashed, and someone loudly proclaimed, “Look what you made me do!” Sound familiar?

This got me thinking about the concept of personal responsibility—or as I now prefer to call it, response-ability. It’s not just about owning our actions but realizing we have the ability to choose our responses in any situation. The more we focus on this, the less we allow external events or people to control our emotional state.

In the past, I too found myself attributing my emotions to others—believing they were the reason I felt angry, hurt, or upset. “They made me feel this way,” I’d tell myself. But through self awareness, personal growth and mindfulness, I realized that no one has that power unless I give it to them.

A Reflection on Responsibility

Let’s take a moment to reflect. How often do we catch ourselves blaming others for how we feel? Whether it’s a disagreement with a friend, a frustrating day at work, or a loved one not meeting our expectations, it’s easy to point fingers. But do we ever pause to think: Did they really make me feel this way, or did I choose to react this way?

The truth is, we allow our emotions to take over when we personalize the behavior of others. When someone speaks or acts in a way that we don’t like, it’s easy to take it personally. But what if it’s not about us at all? What if it’s just them—projecting their own issues, insecurities, or conditioning? The key lies in recognizing that how someone behaves and what someone says is a reflection of them and how we choose to respond is a reflection of our own inner state, not theirs.

Shifting Perspective:From Reaction to Response

Taking full responsibility for our reactions is empowering. It means we stop being emotional puppets, and we start living with intention. Life is unpredictable—people won’t always behave the way we want them to, and situations won’t always meet our expectations. But we can control how we choose to respond.

This leads me to a powerful quote from Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” When someone says or does something that triggers you, remember to pause. That small space before you react is where your response-ability lies.

How to Cultivate Response-Ability in Everyday Life

Here are a few steps to help you navigate that “space” and choose mindful responses:

1. Recognize the trigger. When someone’s words or actions stir something in you, notice it. Is it an insecurity, a boundary being crossed, or simply a difference in perspective?

2. Pause before reacting. This is the golden rule. Give yourself a moment to breathe before you respond. It creates distance between your emotional reaction and your mindful response.

3. Choose how you want to respond. You can either react automatically and add to the negativity, or you can respond thoughtfully and elevate the situation. The choice is always yours.

4. Shift your perspective. Instead of personalizing someone’s behavior, consider that it might have more to do with them than with you. Their words are not about you; they’re about them. Your response, however, is all about you.

A Simple Example: The Parent-Child Dynamic

Let’s bring this to a real-world scenario many of us can relate to—parenting. Picture this: your teenager didn’t clean up their room like they promised. You come home, and instead of a tidy space, it’s a mess. Naturally, frustration kicks in, and you’re ready to lash out, “Why can’t they just listen?!”

Now, here’s where response-ability comes into play. Your mental model is that they should have cleaned the room. But maybe there’s more to the story—they had a rough day at school, they’re feeling overwhelmed, or they’re simply being, well, teenagers. Instead of reacting with anger, pause. Ask yourself: what’s really triggering me? Is it about the mess, or is it about my expectations not being met?

A calmer response might be, “I noticed the room isn’t clean yet. Can we talk about what happened and work out a plan?” This shifts the dynamic and opens a space for understanding and growth, rather than escalating the situation.

Reclaim Your Power

Ultimately, our power lies in how we respond—not in controlling others or life’s circumstances. The more we practice mindful responses, the more we reclaim our emotional freedom. By taking responsibility (or rather, response-ability) for our reactions, we step into a space of empowerment, growth, and peace.

So next time you feel your emotions rising in response to someone else’s actions or words, take a breath, pause, and ask yourself: how do I want to respond? It’s a simple, yet profound shift that can transform not only your relationships but also your entire outlook on life.